I'm gonna have a badass scar
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
