I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize