OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
