i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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