youre lurking in front of me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
