the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Couch. On fire.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
