He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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