I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
