so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
