so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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