dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this just has baby written all over it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
