i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
