There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
