Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
