im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
