I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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