Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
