OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
