Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
