i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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