he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
