Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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