New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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