my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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