The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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