your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
