dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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