sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
