She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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