I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
