return my video game
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
