You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
