so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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