i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
