Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
