I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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