Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
