you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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