from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
