'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
