I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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