ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
