Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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