can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
high people should be assigned attendants
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
