Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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