worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
