Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Small penises have feelings too.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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