he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize