Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
