u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
