Me too!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
