OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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