Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh god it's open bar.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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