Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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