my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Operation Purity has been aborted
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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