And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
