I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
