Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
