I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
