I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
