He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
