Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
