dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
