Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
