theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
