Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
