yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So vagazzling was a success
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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