oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
