So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
