What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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