I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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