And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
